A year almost gone

A year almost gone

So for years I have felt like the ugly duckling, settling for less than the best because I never felt that I deserved the best.. I have one failed marriage, it failed because I settled for a man who   wasn't my equal because I wanted to get married. He was an "ugly duckling" He was thin and muscular, average looks but his past was horrid, he was a felon. He was a bad boy from the streets and I thought that I could turn him into a beautiful swan. He disappointed me so many times, I lost a lot behind this bad decision, but I acquired two precious children. A boy in 1996 and a girl the next year. Of course he was not there for their births that would have been too much to hope for.

It,s all about me!

For years I was the jolly fat loveable daughter, sister and aunt. I was the one that hosted all of the family gatherings, the one who would look after everyone's children, Don't get me wrong, I love  children, I love my family and  I enjoyed doing those things; however I realize that I did a lot of those things to keep from facing the truth about myself, and that truth was that I was a short fat woman who was very unhappy within herself. I have battled weight all of my life, I would diet and lose weight only to regain it in a matter of weeks and even then I would gain even more,

When you are fat but don't see yourself as fat it is even harder to lose weight, I always felt thin on  the inside, I was always in denial, my mother meaning well would make statements about my weight, she;d always end her comment with "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings'' WELL OF COURSE IT HURT MY FEELINGS!

She didn't understand no one did, Hell I didn't understand either, I hated myself! My mom and sisters weren't fat, why was I?